did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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