Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
