it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
