and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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