He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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