I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
