mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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