I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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