I wanna passion pit in your ass
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
