So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize