dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
