i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
