sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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