the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
