He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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