In the future we'll all be gay
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
