I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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