i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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