I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hippo gnu deer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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