And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
