Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
