omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
