i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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