Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
