You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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