the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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