Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
