I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
