bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
