Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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