Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
