Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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