i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
