Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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