Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize