I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
