...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
