I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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