i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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