How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
