I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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