I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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