I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize