dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
