I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
