Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize