doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
