Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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