Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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