Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
