why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
