Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
