just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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