hotel room ftw
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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