you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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