If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
