All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Let's get the cat blown out
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
