and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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