Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize