I want to make a zoo with you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
