jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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