What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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