This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
