do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did I show you my penis last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
