Just cropdusted the office
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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