Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
