idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
