A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
