I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
