I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
