OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
