Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
