Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
