Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
