she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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