Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
