the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
