just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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