This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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