Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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