If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and she was petting her beer can
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
