Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
