If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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