Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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