he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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