He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
