This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
