Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mom said you looked used
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
