Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
