You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize