shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
