Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
