Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
