what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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