watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
