something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
