Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
