Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
