get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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