So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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