He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
