yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
