I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Who died my cat blue again?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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