well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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